POiSON WORLD

You closed the doors. Barricaded your heart and shut me out; yet my feelings did not diminish. For months I attempted to call you, message you, just get a sign from you to know that you were fine. Nothing. To me it was only important you were happy; whether that was by my side or not. I was ready to face the worst. I would recover in time.

Three months passed and I gave up hope. The nights crying slowly faded and I finally started to accept you were never coming back. Your name appears on my screen and I’m reluctant to reply. But I do and it’s as if nothing has changed. I hate myself for not screaming at you. Telling you what I really feel towards you. You left me at the most crucial of times; but I understood you well when you explained.

A week or so passed and the constant laughing and joking was more than I expected. Finding myself just waiting for the evening so that we could talk for hours on end and enjoy one another’s company as we saw fit. You said we were just friends. Cold-heartedly I agreed and that’s how we were.

You caught me at one of my lowest points in a long time. You came to my rescue. I had held it in all day and you were the only person I felt comfortable explaining myself to. I myself am not one to express my emotions and so why I find this will of free speech with you is beyond me. Anything and everything can be discussed between us as I know you won’t judge me.

The timing was perfect and your words too. Oh how I had waited months for those words from your lips; but never did I plan the consequences. ‘I love you’ . There it was and I mirrored your smile and your words. For me your words changed everything. Even now I’m struggling to come to terms with the facts. All I know is that I can’t deny myself anymore. I love you too.

For nights I haven’t slept. Constant butterflies. Lost appetite. Totally out of character for me. I’ve never been like this and the only thing that has changed to bring all this on is that you walked back in. The beam across my face is unrecognizable to me and I often catch myself smiling for no reason.

I’m certain of how I feel yet this is all so different for me. I’m treading unknown waters. I always dreamed of my perfect man as any girl does. You’re totally him. We all make our mistakes. The past is the past and I wish to spend as much time by your side as you allow me to.

I sit by my phone and my heart leaps into my throat every time you flash up. I’m re-reading conversations just to keep the spirit alive. I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you. Just know that even if I can’t truly express myself. All the signs are here. My heart aches. I love you.